Well, we are now on "overtime" with the dumpster. And of course, it's raining. I have to say that while the weather was so beautiful last week, I did some great work. I'm proud of it.
I took a couple friends on a "tour" of what I've done the other day, and what is not done, and there is certainly a difference. Now, know you, this is not of my making in one way. I did not bring in, save nor pile to make the property look like this. Wayne in his infinite wisdom, has a plan for everything out there. It is just not stacked well, nor is a lot of it necessary in my humble opinion.
So, by me letting him have at it, and I trusted him to have "my greatest and highest good" intended, I have sort of "help create this mess" by giving him free rein. Well, I do like his creativity. I also admire the reuse and recycle mind set. But letting someone just create, without cleaning up, is like a big giant preschool out there.
I was hoping and "attracting" that he would be of the thought process that when you are done with something you put things away....or you have a designated spot for things. You know, sort of a grown up "take care of business" kind of thinking.
I am learning late in life, that to trust someone to do something, doesn't mean they will do it. Or if you give them enough time, that they will eventually "get around to it".
It's about priorities. And guess what I learned? Some people don't think like I do.
But we all have to pick up our toys.
I don't want to be the mean mommy here, nor the policeman. But we are over our heads, we have been warned that this day would come if we didn't comply and so mommy Merlyn has to put on her badge and get her gloves and pick up other people's things..
He is a genius. I will give him that.
And I love him awful. But I do NOT like having to pick up what doesn't need to have been lying out there forgotten and in the rain, sleet and snow for years and years.
I'm done waiting for a miracle. I'm done waiting for Wayne to have the time to help me or take it upon himself to fix it.
And now it's raining. It's gonna fucking rain all week too.
I will put on my sneakers and a baseball hat, and go out there, and brave the rain, and uncover some tarped pile of loveliness of forgotten rusty crusty goodies and try to decide if it's worth saving.
The dumpster clock is ticking.
Wayne is sleeping quite contentedly. I'd like to go back up and crawl in and snuggle with him, but instead, I will do the fucking hard thing.
I really hate this.
I want to do my own things.
I have projects of my own that I want to get to.
Sewing and new music to learn.
Wizard courses to finish.
My own desk to clean off.
But the dumpster clock is ticking.
And I really fucking hate this.
I don't know how long I can go on, but I will continue to whip up my courage, like a dead fucking horse.
And I will do it.
I will MAKE myself do this.
I will MAKE myself do this again tomorrow.