Merlyn's Musings~: Emergence

Good Morrow! The sun is shining on a very cold day. It is 2 degrees this morning. Yup, count 'em....2.

My life has changed a lot these last few months. And I didn't even do the "Letting Go" spell sweetly given to me from Cynthia (who warned me that it's a powerful one)....but it seems I have let go of a lot, regardless.

My little home here of Squirrel Haven has seen a LOT of activity since I've moved in... oh... 21 years ago!

I moved in here with my first husband Dave and our two wee girls, Jesse (who was then about 3)

and a newborn Shawna (who was about a year old then).

I loved and wanted the place since the first day I saw it, but shortly after I moved here, and was all alone with two small children, I felt really isolated. And trapped. Dave would leave for work in the morning, and I was faced with being in a new community, yet, stuck in the boonies with no transportation and no friends out here.

Well, that was a long time ago.

Since then, much has happened. Therapists came to me for Shawna and her developmental therapies.

Jesse went to school, and Shawna went to school since she was 2 years old to go to Early Education.
I started taking college courses at night when I was 32, to stimulate my mommy brain and feel like a real thinking person again.

But life has a way of changing things and you....

I got my guitar back out (having set on the shelf for too long). I started playing out.
Dave and I decided to call it quits and have remained great friends.

He is a very good dad to his girls and has always been so.I am grateful to have him in my life still.

Wayne came into my life and once arrived, (he came with a duffle bag at first) then gear and sound systems started arriving. I kinda figured we were a thing, cuz I came home from being a pub wench at Sterling Renaissance faire and I found Wayne (Harry later on :) out in the back yard trying to tame the grass that had overgrown. I hadn't asked him to do this. He took it upon himself and well, I thought that was kewl.

He said he wasn't ever gonna get married again. EVER.

But then he proposed the following winter. Ok, he was drunk, but I believed him. :)

I had been having a lot of my guy friends come over to play music with me, Squirrel Haven was always a creative place....and Wayne thought it was great. He hadn't played his guitar in over 20 years since his divorce (she didn't like the way he played) so he put it away. But now he was playing again!

And it felt good. We were smitten with each other and with music. We outgrew our space here with musicians...so we started organizing open mics in the surrounding communities. Merry Mischief grew out of this. Gigs came flooding in.

Time passed, girls grew, friends came and went....Squirrel Haven has seen a houseful or two in it's day. I raised both my girls here, happily for the most part. They never went to daycare. I was a stay at home mommy, baking bread, raising vegetables and buying organic for many years. I was even a Sunday School teacher for years! :)
They have been great kids. But Jesse got her share of spankings. If you ask her now if she was abused or if she felt they were justly given, she'd say, "Oh, no. I deserved them." She turned out great.She is so funny and smart.

Shawna is now out and about on her own, living in a residential housing with 3 other girls. She loves it. While Dave, Wayne and I (it takes a village) always tried to involve her in our lives, outings, events, Shawna never had the opportunity for a "bosom friend" (like Anne of Green Gables would say). Now she has 3! She is soaking up the friendships and the independance.

My best buddy Talon moved in with us, "temporarily", almost 3 years ago. He needed to shovel out his life and get back on track. We were going to help each other and help him do this. How'ere, about 6 months after he moved in, he was laid off (the day before Thanksgiving. Now, there's something to be thankful for, right?)

And the following month (2008) found us all happily unwrapping Christmas presents and getting interrupted with a phone call that Talon's mother was very bad off in Florida and could he come help get her to Hospice? (read: Merry Christmas everyone). So he left for points south and was with his mother for the entire time of her failing health and subsequent death. Then he was out of work for almost 18 months all together after this. It has been a rough road for him.

He finally found a good job, supervising a cleaning crew of people with disabilities down at the County Court House and Historic Post Office. He is enjoying his work and feels good about his job. He recently was able to get on his feet enough to move in with acquaintances of ours in Auburn, which is very close to his work. We are happy for him.

Wayne and I are now going through our next transition.

The empty nest.

Amazingly, it's feeling pretty good. Yes, it's quiet. Yes, it's different. But good too. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, but I am managing to get some of my life in order. Things stay where I put them! My cupboards are staying full and I now have to learn how to cook for 2 people now and not a houseful!

I have been getting my house in order, a bit...working on some of my writings and just trying to BE. I am finding some quiet time to read and practice and otherwise, Wayne and I are bonding back together without much ado. He is enjoying the quiet, but then again, he's a bit of a hermit anyways. Oh, you wouldn't think so, what with his outgoing chatty nature....but Wayne can be very aloof and solitary. He gets lost in his thoughts and in his projects. I have to get used to this again, because I've always had kids or friends around to keep me company...because....even when Wayne is here ...sometimes he isn't HERE...you know?

While lust and passion have always been my cornerstones in life...I find that lately, my friendships are of upmost importance to me. I am trying to have "Friend Dates" a lot more and treat myself to their company on a more regular basis. This grounds me.We bounce ideas and share dreams, both small and big. We support each other and buoy each other on this ocean of life and change.

I am also grateful for the things I have recently put in place in my life. My Story Book Club and my Creativity Circle have been very fulfilling in many ways to me.

What do I want now?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm a Gemini. I want different things on different days.

More gigs is always good. I love to play and sing. I love making my living by the seat of my pants and making people happy with our music and humor is always delightful. I enjoy traveling with Harry. (Wayne's stage name and the alter ego I love the best. :)

I want to continue getting my life in order. I want to get my eyes done (clear sight will be amazing). I want to get out more into nature. I have recently sent a check to the GreySchool of Wizardry (online school) and look forward to learning some new and interesting subjects.. I am starting a course at my college tonight, a credit free course taught by reknown local spirit healer Janet Ridgeway, in "Animal Communication". This should be very interesting. It's a great opportunity, and I want to avail myself of the knowledge and continue to learn.

While some people may hate studying and dislike going to school, I am not like them. I love to read, I absorb learning and I even wound up Phi Theta Kappa and Suma Cum Laude. I just can't get enough of what I'd like to learn. And the subjects are far flung and eclectic! I don't believe in those that are "perpetual students' and who never work a day in their lives. No. I work. Hard. I am constantly spinning plates of various colors while wearing different hats. :) I believe that knowledge should be APPLIED. In whatever way you can manage it. Knowledge is meant to be shared. I believe in knowledge and in passing it on to others.

The world IS a magical place.

Squirrel Haven is a magical place.

Oh, it's seen it's chaos. There have been cop cars out here. There may have even been a screaming banshee that looked like Merlyn throwing things out into the yard on occasion and riling the neighbors.

But it was only transitory.
It was only hormonal or more likely brought on by too much whiskey mixed with toads.

I have been a wild woman. I can't deny that.