I just got back home from leading a church service at the Unitarian Universalist Church for Hogmanay, the Scottish equivalent of New Year's celebrations. We laughed, we sang, we ate the bread, we sprinkled salt for flavor and we drank whiskey for warmth and comfort. I will clean my house today and tomorrow to be able to set a good foot into the new year. It is good to do so.
To "clean house" as it were and get ready for the "First Footer" (oh I hope he's tall, dark and handsome for good luck!)
So here we are at the end of 2012...
As I have done for years,
this time of year brings me back around to finding my clipboard...
and on that clipboard...
on the last few pages on the bottom of the stack...
I have saved the goals I wrote down from a year ago for me to direct myself toward.
Notice I didn't say the word, "Accomplish".
But as with any good road map...sometimes I do find myself actually arriving at my destination of choosing.
This year I see that I've been able to cross off several things from my list. And that does feel good!
Some of these things I've done with the help of good friends...
and some I've done by my own sheer will...
and done only some by magickal divine intervention and stamina..
The first wish and desire I had at the very top of my list at the end of last year was this:
"To get over being heartbroken and to get on with my life and love."
WOWSA....that's a doosey!
A whopper of a charge to manifest!
But it was an important one...and I did manage it.
Yes, I obsessed.
Yes, I cried a lot.
Yes, I counted my blessings.
Yes, I practiced forgiveness on a major scale.
Yes, I tried to keep positive.
Yes, I tried to reinvent the wheel.
Yes, I gave myself time to grieve.
And you know what?
It fucking worked.
Time is the healer of all things they say...
but it's not time itself that can heal.
It is the daily balm of prayers and forgiveness (of self and others) and redirecting your energies and thinking of people and situations in a different light that does the trick.
It ain't easy.
But it IS possible!
Here is a saying that kept me going forward when I had the hardest and darkest time of it:
"The heart is the only organ in your body that can be broken...and yet you don't die."
But I have to tell you....it sure don't feel like "living" at the time....
Yet I am grateful that (as Beatrice in "Much Ado about Nothing" says)
"My heart stays on the windy side of care...poor fool."
And I'm grateful to that too.
For what are we to do, but to LOVE others?!
And to show forgiveness!
And to LEARN!
In the movie, "Moonstruck", Nicholas Cage plays Ronny Cammareri who says:
"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know
this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It
breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things
perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not
us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the
wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!"
And truly, this is so. This is how love feels. This is how love can be. This is how love IS.
And yet...what doesn't kill us...makes us stronger!
I HAVE healed.
I truly feel stronger.
My heart feels like the Grinch's heart and has swollen to 3x it's size!
The StoryBook Club (Children's Lit for Adults Only :) that I run, is my pride and joy and 'tis true that some of the storybooks ARE bullshit. TOTAL CRAP.
But how we love the ironies that these stories give us!
We love the hidden truths that they reveal to us!
We adore the adventure in the woods!
We also love returning home with tales to tell!
We love conquering the wicked witch and becoming the wise shaman!
I've done much this year, have accomplished much on house, home and career!.
New CD out, new music video finished and new website and I appreciate the help that I've had with it all!
I am truly grateful!
I've led rituals and services at churches and bonfires...
I've played music for thousands of people!
I've dressed in dozens and dozens of different costumes!
I've learned new music and stories to share!
I've addressed health issues with courage and got things taken care of!
I am all the better for all of it!
But the thing that I am most proud of is the fact that I DID "get over being heartbroken and to get on with my life and love."
You know what?
Don't let the media scare you into thinking that people are all horrid and that you should be afraid.
Our world is a big wonderful place full of people and adventures and experiences!
Our job is to seek them out with an open heart, albeit a wiser one, each time having learned a bit more from each and every experience and each and every love.
And this is my conclusion:
Unlike the song, We are NOT a rock nor an island.
We are each- more like ....
a Jigsaw puzzle...
and each person we put in our life, puts in a piece of us, that fits perfectly,
even if we can't see the picture at first.
It comes into focus as WE grow and add pieces to it.
What shall I put on my list for 2013?
Many things...jobs, chores, adventures...
But the most important is this:
I shall keep finding the puzzle pieces and adding them in,
as I come across the ones that fit perfectly and make sense of my bigger picture.
Do not grow cold when your heart is chilled and frozen.
Be of good warm cheer!
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Wassail! Good Health to You!