I probably should've had you sit down for that statement, and I apologize.
What I mean to say is that for the first time in my life, all 52 years of it...
I have been out of whack.
I've done a lot of soul searching, some apologizing (to myself as well as to others) and some serious restructuring of me, my lifestyle and my choices and attitudes.
And I think I've FINALLY got it together! (I should probably also knock on wood when I say that.)
This is what I've learned and I share it with you now, to help you, or to bond with you.
I've made amends in my head for how people ARE.
I've let go of lost hurts and chalked it up to a learning process.
I'm grateful for those that are in my life.
I'm grateful for those that are not.
I pray and I totally believe in the spirituality of a lot of belief systems.
I'm loving ME in all my forms.
Like my blood pressure and weight, for instance.
My blood pressure was high before (150/90) but is generally daily 105/ 70.
I weigh myself daily... and chart it...(it's a habit that I'm tracking like my Gramma James did about the daily weather.) The number itself on my weight is constant. I'm down about 15# from a year and a half ago and I'm maintaining this weight of 188-190#. I'm not ashamed of that number. It's ME.
I look in the mirror and sometimes I see my chubs... and sometimes I think I'm pretty damn HOT.
Yes, I'm liking me quite a lot.
Harry and I have no medical insurance and so it is imperative for us to take care of ourselves.
Especially now that we are aging. We've partied hearty for many years. Ate crap and done our share of drugs. And that's ok too. I LIVED. And I lived to tell the tale.
And tell it, I do.
I've been through some wild shit.
I'm currently trying to finish up my memoir. It's been quite a process! I'd say it's the hardest project I've ever worked on besides raising two kids. It's almost done. I will be looking into getting it published this year! I'm very excited about it.
I'm also very excited that my eating habits have changed and I'm loving cooking and choosing things to eat.
My juicing adventure proved to me that a high alkaline diet makes me FEEL better and happier and I love the way food tastes and I'm much more careful about the spirituality of it all.
For one, I've given up buying meat. I haven't bought meat since before New Year's 2013.
I just don't want to be part of the system that is fraught with so many problems like animal cruelty and disease for the animals to health concerns and obesity for humans.
I do NOT want to be a "Cash Cow" for the health care system.
If I want to eat eggs, cheese or yogurt, I'm buying it from a small local farm where I know they treat their animals with care, as humanely as possible and without antibiotics. I only buy where the animals have pasture, room to live and a hen has actually SEEN a rooster.
Because while I love eating meat and cooking with it, I do NOT want to participate in the agribusiness of it all. How'ere, I am not going to be a zealot and turn my nose up at a friends' house for dinner if they serve meat and have gone to the trouble and desire to make something wonderful in their eyes!
It would be rude and unkind and ungrateful to them and also to the animal that gave of itself to do so.
I guess you could call me a "Flexitarian".
I'm a Vegetarian most days, but I will eat meat on occasion if offered to me as a gift or at a party.
But don't buy or make it especially for me.
I'm really, really happy being a Vegetarian!
Without buying meat, I feel pretty wonderful about cooking with ingredients and learning new recipes too.
I'm currently loving this book that a friend gave me a couple of years ago called:
The Gorgeously Green Diet
I'm truly loving this book. But the nice thing is that I've been doing a lot of the suggestions in it for years anyways! But I'm liking the tips, hints, links and recipes.
For instance, while we've been composting, Harry & I are going to look into getting a good unit for inside and outside to make our composting cleaner and more functional.
All this is not new to me. I was a Vegetarian for years when I was in my 20s. I also baked all our bread when my babies were little. (We are talking 8-10 loaves a week and by HAND mixing and kneading).
I'm considering getting a bread maker, now that there are such good eco ones out there.Nothing like good fresh sprouted bread! But pricey to buy...
My fridge and cupboards are wonderfully stocked with good fun things to cook with!
As far as our not having any medical benefits goes, I truly feel that because I'm eating better, exercising and dealing with my stress, I should be pretty healthy and I AM.
I try to get a massage every couple of months, and when our season is busy I go to the Chiropractor quite often.
I am enjoying my alone time and using it to read and write and pamper myself.I get out with friends (with and without Harry) and I'm really quite happy with my life.
I think that the AMA is great for triage and keeping tabs on health. But I'd rather manage my own health with preventative and alternative care. If I go to the doctor I have to be really, really sick or unstoppable bleeding. I don't pay for insurance. As a self employed musician and part time employee at a college, health insurance is too pricey for us! So our doctor visits come straight out of pocket in full.
I'd rather try to be as healthy as possible, take care of myself as best as I can and live as happy as I can make myself instead.
I cook with whole grains, heavy on veggies, drink some good red wine, drink more water than any other drink, am on no medications, occasionally smoke a little green (for fun and for stress management), walk my dog, play good music, have friends over quite regularly, I laugh a lot and I love truly.
As far as gigs go, I love to play music. Just adore it. Am I stressing when we have a slow spot in our year? No. As Harry has often told me, "Gigs are cyclic. Go with the flow." And so I am doing that too.
Whatever comes to us, we are going with the flow. In the downtime, I'm practicing, learning new music, working on a new CD and writing my book, walking with a good friend on her twin treadmills for exercise while watching "Ugly Betty" on her big flat screen, and making some money.
I've forgiven folks for who I thought they should be...and made amends with who they actually are. And I still appreciate them for that.
And I think that this is why I'm feeling so balanced. My diet, for one, is as healthy as it's ever been. It's more like The Mediterrean Diet that they say is so perfect. Olive oil, veggies and whole grains and a little red wine and dark chocolate. An occasional good beer or shot of rum will not hurt me nor throw me under a bus.
I am not bombarded with chemicals and the reactions to them and so I am feeling quite calm and lovely.
How do I know that those chemicals affect me? I've been eating really healthy for 2 months straight. Juicing, vegetarian...feeling good. But last week, in a rush, I stopped at a McDonald's to buy a Fish Filet. Ok, I know it wasn't fish. More like fish lips and tails. But I thought, it's "fish-ish" and Harry and I haven't eaten and I was late to open mic. At least it's not a burger right? So I ate it.
And guess what?
I BROKE OUT IN HIVES.
I have witnesses. Yah, I won't be eating that shit ever again.
Harry has lost weight too and he's even backed off of coffee. We are only drinking one pot a day now :)
I allow myself one big mug of the hot steamy brew in the morning and then I am done for the day.
I'm may not be perfect...but... I'm pretty damn awesome.
And so are you too.
I hope that these, my silly words of wisdom, help you as well!