I am now outnumbered by males in my household.
For years, it was 3 females and 1 male in the house. Now it is 3 males (Wayne, Talon and Monty) and one lone female. Me.
It’s an interesting phenomenon. I’m sure the guys like the lack of feminine hygiene products, combs, brushes and hairdo stuff left lying around now…and they can now fight over the phone betwixt themselves instead of fighting teenage girls for it.
I, on the other hand feel outnumbered sometimes. The guys support each other and are in cahoots together sometimes.
But it’s a fun roommate situation if you have a sense of humor about it.
Case in point with the quick and interesting conversation we all had last night:
I came home from work and made dinner while Harry worked on emails. (Some things don’t change). But when Talon came home from work, I could hear him mumbling quietly under his breath out in the kitchen, “why fer feck’s sake can’t you use a plate instead of resting the dirty spoon on the stove?!?” (as he comes home from work, and starts bitching about the mess in the kitchen, brought on by my need to cook dinner waiting for him and Harry…)
I said, “Does that bother you? There’s no room for a spoon rest on the stove. No big deal, I wipe it up when I clean it up later.”
(More crabbing as he scoops up his big plateful of ready made pasta :).
“You mean when I clean the stove….” He trails off.
So then I said, “Do you know what bothers me about YOU?”
He said, “Beer bottle caps left lying around?”
I said, “Yes…but that wasn’t what I was thinking…”
He replied, “The reading material in the upstairs bathroom that I leave lying perched on the garbage can?”
“Yes…but that’s not the one I was thinking of either…” I mused.
“The way I put the toilet paper roll on backwards?” he grinned.
“Yah, that one does piss me off, but I always change it back anyways…but NO…keep going….” I giggle.
Harry, in the other room, interjects, “How about how when all the lights get turned off in the room I’m working in?” (he’s now playing along :)
To which Talon replies, looking directly at Harry, “Or how about leaving all the fecking lights ON AND the radio left blaring and THEN driving off for the day?”
To which Merlyn looks at Harry now and says, “Or the “oh so close” award of throwing your laundry NEXT TO the hamper?”
“I try.” He grins and says with a not so convincing statement.
“Oh, you are very trying” I say sincerely.
“Harry, why can’t you shut the back screen door? I’m gonna nail the fucker shut one of these days.” Talon says.
“I shut it…kinda…” says Harry “It closes eventually.”
“NO, you HOPE it closes…but it doesn’t…it closes because I close it tight.” Says Talon, the keeper of the door.
“Talon, you still haven’t got to the correct pet peeve yet…keep going…” I look at him with a twinkle in my eyes.
“Um…..let’s see…I have one for YOU, Merlyn…what about the sign on my door that says, “Man Bear Sleeping in Man Cave…Do Not Disturb?” Hmmm? You walk right in….”
“You like it when I visit.” I smirk. “Besides, I don’t have a door….why do you get a door?!”
“I’ll get you a door” he mocks.
“No, I’m fine, besides, you can’t hear me knocking with your headphones on”. I counter in my defense.
“You guys fart all the time.” I say. “Why do you think we call Harry, “Squeeks?” I laugh outloud.
“Well, Merlyn you do too…and worse than the dog.” Says Talon with tears welling in his eyes.
“Self defense around here. It’s good to get even.” I say with a pirate smile.
Harry says, “Come on now you two, no fighting….”
“We’re not fighting….we’re playing” we say in unison.
“Besides…” I continue, “You always leave a spoon or fork in the leftovers when you put it in the fridge” I gack.
“What’s wrong with THAT?” he says incredulously.
“It’s fucking disgusting. You LICKED off it first.” I say with a nauseous look. “AFTER you kissed the dog on the lips. He licks his dick you know.”
Monty bats his eyes demurely and winks at Talon…who blows him a kiss back.
“And, while we’re at it…" I continue, "Let’s talk about the Herculean way you crank down the soda or any jar in the fridge. I can’t get the fucking thing open without going to the shop to use the vicegrips. You don’t know how strong you are! I’m turning into an old woman who can’t open jars prematurely cuz you’ve horsed them on with superglue.”
“Well, you don’t flush the toilet at night and leave several night time visits in there.” Talon says to me in a peeved voice.
“It doesn’t make ecological sense to flush 5 gallons of good water for 2 tablespoons of piss. If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down… Besides, I get up and see you’ve visited the potty previously in the night…and it’s sort of muddy in there, too sometimes. You don’t flush either.” I say.
“Well, I don’t want to wake you up. Not that you or Harry don’t come walking in and talk to me anyways….while I’m…READING.” He says with a smirk.
“We’re all old and wake up automatically at 3am now”. But it’s only cuz you don’t shut the bathroom door and the light wakes us up and then we realize that we have to pee too….” I say.
“Oooh…. so we’re back to the DOOR thing again?” He says with a sarcastic smirk. ”I shut my door so my computer game doesn’t keep you up. You said you don’t like all the beeps and fatal death screams the zombies make when I kill them, when you are trying to sleep. I close the door for YOU, Merlyn.” He say diplomatically.
“No, the pet peeve that got this whole thing started” I say, trying to get a handle back on the original conversation, “is the manual can opener. I like to leave it when I’m done, clicked back closest to the wall. YOU like to leave it wide open and ajar and swung out.” I state with my good reason.
“No, I leave it clicked and locked in where it GOES.”
“Nuh uh.” I shake my head no.
“Uh huh” He shakes his head yes. “It’s not like your gonna bump your head on it or anything.”
"You saying I'm short?" I question.
"Hey if the midget shoes fit..." laughs Mr. Stilts.
“Well, the can opener looks ugly left sticking way out like that” I say matter of factly.
“You two stop fighting in there. Don’t make me get the spray bottle” Harry says as he continues to play on his free cell game in his hoarding room.
“Well, there’s one thing we can all agree on. Monty’s toys are all over.”
“YES.” We all say in unison.
But after Monty’s near death car accident and us nearly losing him, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Dog toys splayed all over the house is a GOOD thing.
And that’s a “pet peeve” that we all good naturedly put up with.
But I still think the toilet paper roll goes on my way. :)